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OBSERVING DIFFERENTLY March 2021 

Alan Sieler
 

Welcome to our second issue of Observing Differently for the year.

We continue to be very grateful for the existence of online technology that enables us to continue to run our courses and for them to be so well received. Already this year we have run many segments of the 18 month Certified Ontological Coaching and Leadership Program in Australia, South Africa and Europe, as well as the three-day Ontological Coaching and Leadership in Action workshop in South Africa, Asia and Europe.

Until the COVID vaccine roll out is complete and shown to be effective we will continue to offer online options for all programs. The risk of border closures with interstate travel for non-Melbournians means that the opening conference for the next 18-month program in July will be online (see dates below).

However, in anticipation of the continuation of negligible or nil number of COVID cases in Perth and Melbourne we will be offering the three-day workshop in each city in May as an in-person option (see dates below).

And now to the article for this issue – and what a beautifully written piece this is, focusing on what we consider to be a basic mood of life, which is the mood of Resentment. South African ontological graduate Claudia Boers has written very insightfully about her own experience of this mood and what she has learned in working with coaching clients. Claudia has developed a highly successful global coaching practice since completing the 18-month course a few years ago, with moods being an integral part of her coaching. I think you will find this absorbing and beneficial reading.

Until the next issue ... very best wishes.

Alan Sieler

Article

Using Requests to Constructively Deal with Anger
By Claudia Boers

"How dare they?" "She just doesn’t care." "He’s so selfish." "It’s so obvious, why would they do it like that?" "It’s so unfair!" "He’s done it all wrong again, is he stupid?" "She’s going to pay for this." "Why do I have to do everything if I want it done properly?" "I wish people would pay attention!" "She’s just lazy!"

Welcome to the mood of Resentment. Does any of this frustration, anger, harsh negative judgement and criticism (in contrast to critique) feel familiar to you? If so, you’re not alone. Resentment, which is what I call this cluster of emotions, is a mood many of us get trapped in. It’s one of the most difficult moods to overcome because we get hooked by its satisfying energy and enticing sense of superiority. We suffer in this mood because being stuck in Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for your enemy to die - the person who actually suffers the most is the person who’s seething. So how do we productively navigate our way out of Resentment? Read on to learn how the simple act of making an effective request can free us from this toxic mood.

Resentment focuses on the past at the cost of the future

In Resentment, we become fixated on what’s already happened. The problem with this is that what’s done is done and it’s not going to change. This might be something that’s happened or the way someone’s behaved, but it’s past tense. There might be an element of anticipation that a certain behaviour or issue will continue, but Resentment itself is about historical facts. One of my clients, Susan, used to get frustrated by what she considered to be the lack of initiative and job dedication shown by a younger member of her team. "She’s so lazy and doesn’t seem to care. When I was in her position I worked my socks off. Nothing was too much - I’d stay late and go above and beyond to show how invested I was in the company. Storme never does anything she doesn’t have to, and yet she’s disappointed at the average performance rating I’ve given her. This generation is unbelievable!" As you can see from this example, in Resentment we end up looking back and feeling wrong done by and indignant, or just plain furious, and this is where we get stuck. It’s not a nice place to be.

»  Read the article in the Interpersonal Relationships section

Newfield Institute operates as the Ontological Coaching Institute in Africa, Asia, Europe and the UK.

UPCOMING PROGRAMS AUSTRALIA

Ontological Coaching and Leadership in Action Workshop

• 20, 22 and 25 May 2021 (Online)
• 24 - 26 May 2021 (Perth, In-person)
• 27 - 29 May 2021 (Melbourne, In-person)

»  Find out more


Certified Ontological Coaching and Leadership Program

(fully accredited by the International Coach Federation)

Commencing with the online Opening Conference 15, 17, 20 and 24 July 2021.


ICF Accreditation

»  Find out more

 
Newfield Institute

Newfield Institute Pty Ltd
Corporate and Personal Transformation

Melbourne – Head Office
7 Rigani Court, Blackburn VIC 3130
AUSTRALIA

TEL: +61 3 9878 5501

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